Quezovercoatl's Super Doki-Doki Love-Love Botcon 2000 Report
Saturday, July 29th: Oh, the Humanity.
.
.
.
The early hours of Saturday were pretty much the same as Friday afternoon: a seemingly
endless line-up, punctuated by tantalizing glimpses of various really strange people.
I forget when and how this happened, but somehow we met up... first with Megatron33, and then
with "the rest of #wiigii!", including the elusive camera-shy Mad Max MFP and the... unique
Hooper X. We made our way to the getting-into-the-dealer-rooms-etc line up, which was eventually
moved to outside the hotel (again). This is where the major queue-jumping began, with people
forming a second, unofficial line inside the hotel even after we were told to go outside.
During the wait, we munched on breakfast foods and played "Guess Which Transfan is WARendfeld".
(Which was oddly similar to the wholesome family game of "Guess Which Person is Lithrael".
The similarities between the two fanfic authors is astonishing when you do a side-by-side
analysis.)
And then... freedom! Like a babbling brook of fanboys, like a living river of humanity, like a
spermatic abundance of naked giggling babies, we burst in upon Botcon proper. After checking
to see when the really interesting Botcon Panels would take place (Er... not to imply that the
ones I didn't attend weren't interesting. No sirree.), the #wiigii! group dissipated into the
crowded cacophonous commercial chaos that is the Botcon Dealer Room.
![[Megatron33] Oh my god, it's that pointy-shoe-wearing guy from the Botcon Dinner!
[Purple-haired Elf] You mean my date?](dealer_room.jpg)
A quick shot of the colourful characters that come to Botcon, as well as Megatron33 and
SwiftEagle's noggins.
As I'm not really a Transformers Toy Collector, I wasn't expecting to buy much in the Dealer
Room... maybe a few of those cute li'l MicroMaster Combiners that Picard42 had shown us at his
home, perhaps some nice t-shirts, if I found any designs I liked for a price at which I wouldn't
recoil in horror. Alas, I spent much of Botcon cringing and recoiling in horror... not only
at the insane prices, but the fanboys! The horrible, horrible fanboys! Oh, the humanity!
(More on that later.)
In any case. What I wasn't expecting was to fall madly in love with the crummiest little
"transforming" toys I'd ever seen, with all the graceful poseability of a McDonalds Beast Wars
Transmetal toy.
The Firecons.
The Three Firecon Brothers.
From left to right: Binky, Lorenzo, and Maurice.
Binky was my first purchase at Botcon. Originally priced at $5, someone managed to haggle it
down to $3 by protesting: "But... it's a Firecon!"
I remain vastly amused that the dealer had to concede that yes, it was a Firecon,
therefore he would knock $2 off of the price.
Another table had the other two Firecons; however, we were advised by Walkerton that Lorenzo
(Cindersaur?) was incomplete, as he was lacking wings on his back. So I sadly gave up the
opportunity to complete my collection, and consoled myself with the sparkariffic Binky.
When not cringing at faux pas at the Botcon panels, I spent my time merrily playing
with my first-ever gimmicky Transformer.
The John Moschitta panel was more entertaining than I had expected. I had been expecting Mr.
Moschitta to be here as "Person who played Blurr"; instead, he was here as an actor, entertainer,
humanitarian, and Fastest Speaker In The World. The highlights (?) of his panel included
"Blurr tries to hit on Tut at a bar" and "There's this character called Squawktalk, and he never
talked in the cartoon, but he was supposed to talk really fast about inane things, and what would
he sound like if he had a voice in the cartoon?" (Answer: "SQUAWK.")
The lowlights (?) of the panel included multiple "How do I get into voice acting?" "What should
I do to get a career as a voice actor in Transformer shows?" and similarly themed questions;
some "I fully expect you to be as much of a fanboy as I am, and to take Transformers as seriously
as I do" questions that had me flinching; and the fact that every time someone asked a question,
I generally felt humiliated that I was being lumped in the same category as these folks.
John Moschitta sez: "SQUAWK!"
During our second foray into the Dealer Room, my companions and I were startled to hear someone
being paged of the Public Announcement system:
"Will Mr. William Rendfeld join his party in the lobby?"
Convinced that it must have been one of the #wiigii! crew who did that, we rushed to the lobby,
where the legendary WARendfeld was already surrounded by our friends and cohorts. Walkerton got
his Japanese Polar Claw autographed by WARendfeld, and I had him autograph my personal organizer
(soon to be filled with the autographs of the rich and famous, as soon as I learn how to properly
stalk them and demand appeasement). My partner SwiftEagle got the base of his Echowarrior
kitbash autographed, and many others posed for pictures with WAR, asked him to draw Echowarrior,
and just generally showered him with attention.
Here, we see famed fanfic authors and artists William A. Rendfeld and Lilith S. Rael posing for
the camera as they discuss a joint fanfic, tentatively titled "The Amatorious Adventures of
EchoWARrior: Bats Have More Fun"
And then we took off for lunch at Burger King, coz we were really really hungry.
Lunching #wiigii! folks. Too many to list, and the photo is too blurry to identify them in any
case.
After lunch, we attended the Beast Machines voice actors panel. Here, as elsewhere, the size of
our group meant that there was always someone nice enough to go and reserve two rows for
us. The Beast Wars/Beast Machines voice actor panel was entertaining and suitably mysterious.
I had a hard time figuring out how much of Ian Cortlett's Gary Chalk-bashing was "all in good
fun", and I still have no idea what Alec Willows' "Tarantulas = suitcase" jokes were all about.
That said, Mr. Willows was easily the funniest and most likeable of the voice actors.
Personally, I got the impression that Venus Terzo was a little uncomfortable with all the creepy
fanboys... and with questions like "What did you think about Bob Skir massacre-ing the characters
in Beast Machines?" (which was somehow misinterpreted into a question about Bob Forward killing
off characters at the end of Beast Wars) and "How do you feel about TM2 BA's removeable bra?",
I don't blame her.
Over all, the voice actors handled themselves admirably, although I unfortunately couldn't get
their autographs. (After sprinting towards the autograph line, I realized that I was all alone
and scared, so I wandered back into the room and looked for #wiigii! folk.)
Next, the friendly, if somewhat evasive, folks from Hasbro showed up.
I say "evasive" not in the sense of "those weaselly Hasbro guys didn't give us any info".
I say
"evasive" in the sense of "why didn't those twits come out and say 'NO, we are not going to make
the BW Neo Unicron figure, nor are we likely to make that monstrosity, nor are we likely to go
back to making bricks just because 'the fans' demand it', so all those morons would shut up".
I got the feeling that the Hasbro-kind were there to gauge audience reaction and
occasionally pump people up (e.g. "Everyone who wants Hasbro to go back to vehicle modes,
give us a hoot and a holler!!!").
That said, the Hasbro reps were very patient and long-suffering, even when a gentleman whom the
#wiigii crew dubbed "Vomitous Maximus" hurled verbal abuse at them about the Beast Wars Mutants
figures. It is my sincere hope that Hasbro heard our "BOOO!"s and cries of "If you can't say
anything nice..." (and the lone cry of "GOD HATES YOU!" directed at Vomitous Maximum himself).
In the aftermath of the Hasbro panel was an entertaining and informative fan panel, featuring
some wacky "Now I know!" "And Knowing is Half the Battle!" public service announcements by the
Transformers. This included Seaspray's heroic rescue of the enchanted hair-colour-changing boy,
and Powerglide's admonishment not to discriminate against girls who sound disturbingly masculine.
I believe there was also a rather alarming one where Red Alert runs over some kids on bicycles to
teach them the importance of wearing reflective gear at night, and one were some thuggish
pre-teens try to steal Tracks.
... Actually, the only one that wasn't disturbing in some capacity was the Bumblebee Convinces
A Kid Not To Run Away From Home, But To Talk Things Through With The Folks one. That was only
bothersome in its bland and blatant symbolism (rainy weather when the kid is upset, sunny
weather and a rainbow as Bumblebee helps the little one see the light).
These edifying clips were followed by promotional reels for TFTM sent to movie theatres, some
storyboards from TFTM, and Bob Forward's cute little BW storyboards, where Rampage was represented
by a googly-eyed crab.
Armed with the knowledge that Lorenzo was not, as we had thought, incomplete (Thank you, Liquid Velcro! Lorenzo was meant to be my Firecon!), my partner and I went back to the dealer table and snagged both Lorenzo and the pitiful, barely-sparking Firecon (later named Maurice). Binky, Lorenzo, and Maurice followed us to dinner at McDonalds, where people entertained themselves by putting the trio in lewd poses. And here I was, thinking that G1 toys were bricks...
Thylacine2000, Perceptor (TFWW) and Megatron33 head towards their favourite hangout.
The Official Botcon Showing of TFTM was scheduled for 8 PM, so we headed towards the Empress
Theatre (conveniently located across the street from the Hilton) post haste. As a slow eater,
I found myself lagging behind... and confused as heck when the main group was suddenly across
the street, going back into the Hilton, and gesturing that we should do the same. Someone said
that we were supposed to go into the Empress via the lovely walkway/overpass connecting the
two buildings, so we obediently did so...
And were greeted by the sight of people walking in through the doors of the Empress. So much
for that idea.
The Empress was a gorgeous old-style Theatre. Even the lobby was posh and chandelier-y. And
the moody dark lighting only increased everyone's anticipation... I bought some Skittles and
Junior Mints to munch on at a little concession stand they had, with the intention of pelting
the peons with them if I snagged a balcony seat.
A little before 8 PM, the doors were opened, and the #wiigii! crew rushed to get the best seats.
Sadly, the first few rows in the balcony were reserved for... um... some guy. I guess he
really wanted to guard his privacy. In any case, we got fairly good seats, and I took
some really bad photos of the beautiful interior of the theatre.
The Empress Theatre, in all its glory.
I had already experienced the horror and trauma of discovering that TFTM was not as good as
my childhood memories of it. Unfortunately for SwiftEagle, this was the first time in 15 years
that he had seen the movie.
The first time in 15 years that he heard the horribly shrieky discordant tones of Wheelie.
The first time in 15 years that he had to decode what on earth the Junkions were saying.
A moment of silence, for the loss of SwiftEagle's innocence.
...
The Annual #wiigii! Party was scheduled to be in Tonyfitz's room for the second year in a row.
Having given him some time to tidy up (and given us some time to grab some munchies), we went
to the most crowded, people-saturated room in which I have ever been. After showing off Furby
Yoda, I settled down and did some people-watching and Doritos-munching.
Yes, the legendary Annual #wiigii! Party was mostly people talking and eating exotic flavours of
Doritos (e.g. Salsa verde... mmmm.... tastes like burning... Baja Picante... so good...)
and watching Walky's Room-mate Steve's Video Greeting. ("If you guys are watching this video
right now, it means... that I'm dead.") In his Video Greeting, Steve gave out his various
belongings to various people. He gave SwiftEagle "my most precious gift... my sense of humour.
Because yours sucks." and told Trix:
"Trix... I'm very sorry about your loss, but I heard that at last Botcon, you got... Cancer.
[The Japanese Transformer and Headmaster Junior]. So I'd like to give you my collection of
veneral diseases. Take them, and please enjoy.") After the Video Greeting, we watched a few
Japanese Transformer animes, including TF: Headmasters episodes (badly dubbed), and just enough
of TF: Victory to hear the wonderful "Transformers Banzai" ending theme (better known as the
Chin Chin Pui song. MP3 available.)
Eventually, boredom set in, prompting Perceptor (TFWW) to suggest that we go and find somewhere
to do the Botcon Non-Exclusive World's Worst Fanfic reading. We ended up wandering around the
Second Floor where the various Video Rooms were located, until we found a door we probably
weren't supposed to go through. Once we went through the door, we found ourselves in a magical
land ruled by the great and awe-inspiring Aslan... er, I mean, a wide echo-y hall.
Urged on by some mysterious primal urge, we started some impromptu Gregorian chanting.
(And continued sporadically bursting into Gregorian chants throughout Botcon. It is my sincere
hope that we might have frightened at least a few people.)
But someone pointed out that the lovely echo-y properties were not very conducive to recording
a fanfic, so we went into a sound-muffled walkway connecting Fort Wayne Hilton with some building
across the street, possibly the Empress Theatre. The casting call for the fanfic was...
interesting. The results can be seen (heard?) on Megatron33's website, on
Megatron33's Botcon 2000 Website
Not shown are the many many times that Mad Max MFP flubbed his line and caused the following
witty exchange:
Thylacine, as Blaster: Prime, there are Decepticons at the charity race!
Max, as Gears: You mean the one whose organizers called, but I said we couldn't race
because we don't look like orphans?
Also not shown is me crumpling up in humiliation after having delivered my lines as "Shockwave".
People told me that he was "British" and "whiny sounding", and I somehow ended up with a hybrid
of Queen Elizabeth and the Queen Mother. Oh, the shame of it all...
And so, the epic tale drags on inexorably towards Sunday...
| Characters | Gallery | Library | The Nexus |
