April Rant I QUIT!!! (A look at the Beast Wars Metals Episode 5)

Before this episode starts, a patently phony "Emergency Announcement!" shows up on the screen, with a mugshot of Dinobot. Dinobot growls that he's quitting the Maximals and joining... Morning Musume! (A popular singing group made up of a horde of females ranging from age 14 to early twenties, with varying vocal talents. Think Spice Girls, only with double the members and double the banality.) And then the episode starts, as Dinobot grouses "What do you mean they don't want me?!" The pre-episode "Remember to watch the show in a well-lit room at a good distance from the TV!" message is voiced-over by Rattrap. I don't think there was anything notable or amusing about his narration. The episode is a fairly loose translation of Maximal No More. Somehow, it's a lot harder to take Dinobot seriously when his soliloquys sound like the disgruntled grumblings of a guy at a pub, complaining to anyone who will listen that "I really wanna hang out with Primal, but I dunno if that's the right thing to do, yanno what I mean?" His dramatic soliloquy and computer- fiddling is interrupted by Primal asking him if he's "playing Mah Johngg on the computer again". What follows is the first of many, many episodes with what I call "Taxi Patter"... basically, the polite small talk that Japanese taxi drivers will try to make with their passengers. This happens repeatedly in this episode, with Dinobot/Rattrap, Dinobot/Megatron, and Dinobot/Rattrap again. The main one that sticks in my mind is: Rattrap: "So, what do you do for a living, sir?" Dinobot: "Oh, a little superheroing here and there, occasional championing of justice..." Rattrap: "Really? It suits you well, sir!" As well, Waspinator begins to show an unhealthy obsession with finding out what grade people are in. Apparently, his attempts to claim seniority over others has been interpreted in a rather more childish fashion that expected, as he demands: "What grade are you in, anyways?" "I'm in a higher grade than you, and I'm older, so you have to listen to me!" Another running gag is Rattrap trying to smell out Predacons, and catching whiffs of the audience's dinner instead. "Oh, looks like the Suzukis are having curry tonight!" Other notes: The Cobra head does, indeed, talk. It talks quite a lot in this episode, in its high-pitched squeak, and adds either "-bra!" or "Cobra!" to the end of its utterances. Inferno's constant references to Mito Koumon are finally noticed by other characters, as Waspinator wonders: "If Megatron is Koumon, then who does he think he is? Yashichi?" and Dinobot queries: "Did he just call Megatron Koumon-sama? Then... am I Suke-san, or Kaku-san?" Megatron clears up the anachronistic references by saying: "That guy watches too much TV. But Mister Ant sure is a hard worker!" ... Thanks, Megsie. The Destrons sound a lot more... modern in this translation. When Dinobot begs for Megatron to let him rejoin the Destrons, they respond by saying: Destrons (all but Megatron): "SERIOUSLY?!" Megatron: "Like, for real?" Nabiko-chan: "Okie-doke! From now on, Dai-chan is a friendy-friend!" Quote of the Episode: Quickstrike's Cobra-head leaps in for the kill. (During the QS/Dinobot gladitorial battle.) Quickstrike's Cobra-head: "Look ma! No cavities -cobra!" Second place: Megatron announces the rules of combat. Megatron: "The rules are simple! Whoever wins... WINS! Er, that's rather obvious, isn't it." Oscar Moment: Dinobot is told to Kill Rattrap Rattrap: "Please... be gentle..." Dinobot: "..." Rattrap: "I've heard that the first time can hurt a lot..." Dinobot: "..." Random Observations: The episode ends with Dinobot saying that he didn't kill Rattrap because he doesn't like being ordered around... and because Rattrap is "A friend." (Awwwww.) Then Rattrap rides off with Dinobot safely on his back, as Dinobot yelps "Ow! Ow! My butt! Ow! Watch it! My poor tender bum!" etc. Hurrah for anticlimaxes. This concludes my ramble on "I Quit!", aka episode 5 of Beast Wars Metals. . . . Characters Gallery Library The Nexus

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