End of the Road, Revised
Presented in FUTUREVISION (TM): Bringing you next season, today.
The dark fanfic begins with a dark room lit by a dark light in the dark center.
Quezovercoatl, half-mad half-jaguar half-chicken half-serpent half-scorpion mode, stands in
the light. A microphone stands in front of her, then shuffles away. She drags it back into
place. It shuffles away again.
Quezovercoatl: TILL ALL ARE ONE!
The microphone stays in front of her, dead and unmoving.
Quezovercoatl (To the tune of the song being sung, which unfortunately is not at all the same thing as singing to the tune of the tune being played):
Camelot ! Let's go back to WAR and violence
I'm so bored with peace and SILENCE !
Nights of evil, filled with fear
Your worst dream, that's my idea of fun !
Let darkness find its sad ways;
Let's go back to good old bad days
No more foolish acts of kindness
Arthur and his kingdom will be mine !
Years from now, no one will bother
To recall your good King Arthur
Because all of this will be mine !
This will all be mine !
I have a plan; it includes you--
Picard42 (off-screen): Uh, Quez? Fanfic's starting.
Quezovercoatl (still singing, not necessarily to the tune of the tune being played)
With this potion I bought from some witches
A drop on this chicken;
And watch as it switches into a weapon --
Picard42: QUEZ. FANFIC. NOW.
Quezovercoatl: *sob* You never let me have any fun...
The room lights up, as Quezovercoatl sadly puts away her collectible CD Collection "As Bad as I Vanna Be: Songs for Villains, by Villains" (from Time-Warner Music. Order your copy today for just $19.99!).
Quezovercoatl: Farewell, old friend...
Quezovercoatl walks (slithers? waddles?) out of the dark room lit by the dark light in the dark center, into the light....
END PROLOGUE
CHAPTER ONE:
In which Pooh finds a Heffalump, and Quezovercoatl picks a fight with Walky.
The scene: Botcon 2000, Indiana. Early Friday afternoon. Small groups of Transformers Fans can be seen milling about in a fashion unique to penguins, jetlagged travellers, and anti-social fanboys being forced to associate with one another for an opportunity to make off with rare fannish stuff. Others are standing in various queues and lines, which presumably lead to something other than sore feet.
Four Transformers Fans stand in the traditional People Who Like to Watch Other People And Make Snarky Comments stance. These are:
- GOD BOT:
- A robot with the head of a 20 year old college student, also known as Picard42. He is a fuzor of every creature to ever exist anywhere and is a googleplex times more powerful than Echowarrior (aka The Dolphin that Walks like a Bat). Currently disguised as a 20 year old college student with the body of a robot.
- KILLER BOT KING MAN:
- A butterfly with the head of a slightly older 20 year old college student. Similarly disguised as a college student with the body of a giant butterfly.
- KILLER BOT QUEEN GIRL:
- A mysterious being from the far-reaches of space, and/or Sweden.
Killer Bot King Man: Oh, and she's really cute!
Do you mind? I'm narratin' heah. And finally,
- MEGATRON33:
- A Minion of Quezovercoatl, part-time voice actor, and avid WWF watcher.
Megatron33: (waving at camera) Hi Julia!
God Bot: So here we are. Where all paths of transfandom lead...
Killer Bot King Man (corny voice): Lookout Mountain!
Megatron33: ... I think he means Botcon, Walky.
Killer Bot Queen Girl: Bork.
God Bot: Yes, Botcon. Held this year in the illustrious Market Square Arena. Oh happy day...
Megatron33: You know, I heard that the Spice Girls played their final concert here.
"Mysterious Voice": YOU DON'T SAY.
Megatron33 looks around.
Megatron33: Who said that?
"Mysterious Voice": I DID.
A cloaked figure in a cloak decloaks from a shadowy shadow cloaked in shadow.
Megatron33, God Bot, Killer Bot King Man: *gasp* QUEZOVERCOATL THE FEATHERED BOA!
Quezovercoatl: MWAHAHAHA! Yes, 'tis I! And now that I'm here--- Oh my gawd! Killer Bot Queen Girl! Long time no see!
Killer Bot Queen Girl: Bork.
Quezovercoatl: I love what you've done with your hair. Where did you get it styled? I've been meaning to get my feathers styled for a while now, but most salons use this perm solution that's absolutely devastating on my chitin, and I--
Several hours later...
God Bot: Are they still talking?
Megatron33: Yup.
God Bot: *sigh* Women. Let's just ditch them and go look for cool people to hang out with.
Killer Bot King Man: I gotta poo.
The three Transfans make their way towards the Hanging Out with Cool People line, (except for Walky, who hasta poo) when a great hue and cry is heard from the entrance.
The people in the line all turn to stare at the cause of the commotion.
Rob Powers: Could it be... ?
BlueJackal: Is it he...?
Rob Jung: My god, it can't be! B-)
Hooks: I'm not here.
ALL: ECHOWARRIOR!
A dolphin-bat fuzor with the head of a 13 year old (presumed to be) male appears, robot-mode (of course) carrying a guinea pig in the crook of one arm and a golden sceptre in the other. He is followed by two tragic figures who carry his trailing cape in an air of dejection.
Echowarrior: Thank you, thank you, you're too kind. I'd like to take a moment to thank all the little people, such as James Hooks, Ben Yee, Picard42, Larry Di Tillio and Bob Forward, who made my appearance at the inaugural ECHOWARRICON possible.
Ramblast: I hate my life...
Back in the Hanging Out with Cool People line...
Megatron33: What's wrong, God Bot?
God Bot stares at Echowarrior's entourage, visibly shaken. He suddenly dashes over to the group and wrests the small animal from Echowarrior.
God Bot: BUSTER?!
Buster The Guinea Pig Who Likes the Taste of Human Flesh: P- Picard42?
God Bot: (hissing) Don't call me that here! And... what are you doing with that floozy of a dolphin-bat fuzor?!
Buster: I'm sick of hanging out with you! You're boring! All you do is play with your stupid robot toys and write those stupid World's Worst Fanfics! Stupid stupid stupid! Why, in all the years I've known you, I don't think you've EVER had a giant megalomaniac robot destroy your entire family, leaving you a boy-millionaire with stocks in Hasbro! EVER!
God Bot: Well, there was that one time Beachcomber drove over my pet goldfish...
Buster: You SUCK, Picard42!
God Bot: *gasp* You-- You can't mean that!
Echowarrior: Hi. Do you two know each other?
God Bot turns to Echowarrior.
God Bot: You... You home-wrecker! What have you done to my Buster?!
Echowarrior: Duchess ran away from home again, so I needed a replacement pet.
Meanwhile, in the province of Dalmania, outside of a Mighty Cartoonist Fortress:
Dalmatian (from within): FOR THE LAST TIME, RONT DOESN'T LIVE HERE!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Duchess: *whimper*
Dalmatian: And don't forget to pick up after yourself!
( And feel free to visit my hilarious online comic, Funny Farm, at
http://www.funnyfarmcomics.com )
Back at Botcon.
Echowarrior lovingly strokes Buster, who coos triumphantly.
Echowarrior: Buster's my favouritest pet ever. He's the most beautiful human boy I've ever seen. His skin makes him look like Jim Carrey, you know.
God Bot: ....
God Bot runs off, sobbing hysterically. Meanwhile, Killer Bot King Man emerges from the Little Butterfly's Room.
Killer Bot King Man: Hey, where's Pic? What'd I miss?
Megatron33: His guinea pig dumped him for another man.
Killer Bot King Man: Aw, again?
Megatron33: I guess we better find him before he starts stalking it again.
END CHAPTER ONE
Go on to End of the Road Revised, Chapter Two
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