End of the Road, Revised
CHAPTER TWO:
Gotta Sing! Gotta Dance! Gotta Kill!
When we last left Megatron33, Killer Bot King Man, and God Bot, it was on the previous page.
So you can click back and find out what happened for yourself,
ya lazy schlub.
We now join God Bot at a seedy-looking bar near Market Square Arena,
surrounded by various disreputable characters.
God Bot: I... I can't believe Buster said that I suck! *sob*
I'll bet that Echowarrior turned him against me!
Well, fine! I don't WANT a traitor rodent like that in my house, anyways!
PerceptorTFWW: Yeah, you tell 'em. Buster was an ugly guinea pig, anyways. And he smelled funny.
God Bot grabs PerceptorTFWW by the throat and shakes him like a rag doll.
God Bot: NOBODY SAYS THAT ABOUT BUSTER! NOBODY!
PerceptorTFWW: Urk.
God Bot: Damn straight!
He drops PerceptorTFWW to the floor like a rag doll.
God Bot: Buster... *sob* Buster was the sweetest, furriest, nice-smelling-est guinea pig ever! ...Except for my other guinea pig, and the one before that. I miss him so....
Thylacine2000 (patting him on the shoulder): Yeah. I know what you mean.
Captain Planet was the sweetest, furriest, nice-smelling-est Mega Mack Daddy of Ecology ever,
and they cancelled his show too. I've been a broken man ever since. Gods, I miss him.
God Bot goes back to crying into his drink, as a shadowy cloaked figure cloaks him in shadow.
God Bot (looking up): Wh- who are you?
Shadowy Figure: I am... WAZZZPONATOR! And I have come for YOU, Picard42! Obey, or prepare to be WASPINATED!
God Bot: ...
Thylacine2000: ...
PerceptorTFWW: I died already.
God Bot: Isn't Waspinator supposed to be... you know... taller, and stuff?
Wazzzponator: ... No....
Thylacine2000: I don't remember Waspinator having a beard on the show.
Wazzzponator: I... shaved it off for the series, yes. A-heh.
God Bot: ...
Wazzzponator: I'm the real article, really I am. Listen, I can even talk like Waspinator.
*ahem*
"The protoform new a new identity cause his spark has been damaged on the crash,
I must take your identity and replicate it on this robot. (Like the episode when Air Razor
have appeared.) Inferno go to snooze!"
God Bot, Thylacine2000: .........
Wazzzponator: Very well, if I cannot convince you to accompany me, I will compel you!
Using force!
The alleged Waspinator whips a tabby cat out of a heretofore unseen pocket. The cat sneezes cutely and immediately sheds a small pile of fur.
God Bot: AIEEEEE! NO! CATS EVIL!
God Bot flees, coughing and hacking. The alleged Waspinator herds him towards their destination ...
God Bot: Allergies... making it hard... to breathe--- (collapses)
Wazzzponator: Ah, here we are, at our destination.
Tabby Cat: Mew.
Wazzzponator: That's a very good question, kitty. This is... (dramatic pause) The Magical Mystical Botcon Car Park of Invisibility! Where all supervillains come to do their plotting, unnoticed by the public eye!
The alleged Waspinator walks up to a neatly-parked space craft and knocks on the hatch.
Wazzzponator: Knock knock!
Voice (within): Who's there?
Wazzzponator: Wazzzzzzzponator!
Voice (within): Wazzzponator who?
Wazzzzponator: Orange you glad I didn't say "Banana"? Hahahahaha!
Voice (within): ....
Wazzzponator: Oh, sorry, sorry, wrong punch line. Can we try that again?
Voice (within): ... You may enter.
The hatch opens up, and a ramp lowers from the space craft. The alleged Waspinator nudges a semi-comatose God Bot up the ramp with his foot. In the dark control room of the dark space craft, lit up only by a dark light in the dark center, are Megatron33, Killer Bot King Man (Walky mode), and numerous bewildered Transfans.
Walky: You said you'd give me Doritos if I followed you! Give me my Doritos, you bad man!
Megatron33: Mind telling us why you gathered us here in the first place, "Wazzzponator"?
Wazzzponator: Very well. You are all gathered here today... to witness the end of an era.
ALL: *gasp*!
Wazzzponator: And to witness... the dawning of a new age!
ALL: *GASP*!!
Wazzzponator: But most of all, you are all gathered here today... because of THIS!
He brandishes a stack of official-looking documents.
Wazzzponator: Each of you, during the past two years, signed a Minionization Form, declaring yourselves to be official Minions and Underlings of Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa!
Various Transfans raise their voice in protest.
Megasomething: But... I only signed that so I could get my free Underling T-Shirt!
Finback: You dragged me all the way from Australia for THIS? That's it, I'm going home!
Wazzzponator: SILENCE! As minions and underlings, it is your duty to obey! And now, it's time for a catchy little musical number.
He scurries towards a large red velvet curtain, which has been set up towards the front of the control room, and begins to draw the curtain aside. Behind the curtain is Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa, wearing a top hat, carrying a cane and standing on an impromptu stage made up of a number of chairs pushed together.
Quezovercoatl: Thank you, Waspinator.
*ahem*
(singing, to the tune of Be Prepared [from the Lion King Soundtrack! Only $12.99!
Buy it at your local HMV today!])
I know, in my hour of reflection,
That the Transfans are a blithering mess.
Stay alert and I'll reveal my obession!
World domination is my racket, I confess.
I see that you fans need a leader.
Some manipulative jerk I suppose.
Forget politicians and defeaters --
Look to me in this crisis that's arose!
My takeover will be easy, unnoticed,
No one will ever notice, I fear...
When public mindset is streamlined,
And stagnation rules mankind,
I'll assume all command then
And I'll rule the land, men!
I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded-
Megatron33: That doesn't sound too bad...
Quezovercoatl: (singing)
Megatron33: ... Never mind.
Quezovercoatl: (still singing)
Then I'll steal POJ's spare house keys!
OBEY... THE... CHEESE!!
We cut to the Bartos household, where a puzzled Prime Of Justice wonders why all of his priceless Japanese Transformer Toys now have the word "QU3Z0V3RC04T1 0WNZ U" spray-painted on them.
Meanwhile at the Mystical Parking Lot of Botcon 2000:
Picard42: But... why do we have to obey the Cheese?
Walky: Because that's the best part of Doritos, you fool!
Picard 42, Walky, Megatron33: (singing) Do-riii-tos, Do-riii-tos, la-la la-la la-la--
Quezovercoatl: IDIOTS!! There will BE NO DORITOS!
Walky: Awww... *sniffle*
Quezovercoatl: I am the Cheese!
Picard42, Walky, Megatron33: .....
Wazzzponator: You see, it's something of a bilingual pun. "The Cheese" in Spanish is "La Quesa". Que-sa. Quez-zie.
The minions all turn to stare at Wazzzponator.
Minions: ..........
Wazzzzponator: It's a pune, or a play on words.
Minions: ................
Wazzzzponator: *sob* I thought it was funny...
The alleged Waspinator runs from the scene, sobbing. The minions turn back to their leader.
Quezovercoatl: *cough* Now, where was I. Oh yes.
(singing)
Prepare for mindless servitude!
You'll call me commander
Or something more grander.
Perhaps world dictator?
Oh, we'll decide later!
While these things may be fleeting
And free will's retreating
When at last all my power's debuted
And I command all your thoughts at great ease:
OBEY...THE...CHEESE!
Megatron33: A brilliant plan, Royalty!!
Quezovercoatl: ... But I haven't told you my plan yet.
Megatron33: ... Oh. Sorry, I wasn't really listening. But I'm sure your plan will be brilliant anyways. Heh. Heh.
Megatron33 shuffles his feet awkwardly.
Quezovercoatl: *ahem* My first step in world domination shall be... THE DESTRUCTION OF ECHOWARRIOR! Thus plunging the entirety of Transfandom into utter, utter chaos!
Minions: *gasp*
Quezovercoatl: Echowarrior and his three mindless slave-- er, companions have entered Market Square Arena. In approximately three cycles, we will follow them, and destroy them all!!! MWAHAHAH!
Minions (unenthusiastically): Yay.
Quezovercoatl: ... Except for the cool transfans and the cool toys and Scott McNeil.
Minions: YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
Megatron33: But... why do we have to wait three cycles?
Quezovercoatl points to a washing machine, currently on the "spin" cycle.
Quezovercoatl: I wanna finish all my laundry before we go.
Megatron33: 'k.
Quezovercoatl: Now go forth, minions, and... eh. I dunno. Loaf around, or do whatever it is you young people do these days.
The Feathered Boa turns back to her laundry and grumbles about missing socks as her many faithful minions troop out of the spacecraft. She somehow fails to notice the guinea pig wearing a fedora, sunglasses, and false moustache, which is crawling out the rear hatch of the spacecraft, bumping into things as it goes.
Buster: Dang sunglasses... can't see a thing... Er, I mean, I must warn Echowarrior, before it's too late!
END CHAPTER TWO
Go on to End of the Road Revised, Chapter Three
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