End of the Road, Revised
CHAPTER THREE:
In which we learn that 'tis love, love, love that makes the world go 'round.
When we last left Megatron33, Killer Bot King Man, and God Bot, their leader Quezovercoatl
the Feathered Boa had unfurled her devious plan to destroy Echowarrior at Botcon 2000, Market
Square Arena. Will Buster the Guinea Pig (cleverly disguised in a fedora, sunglasses, and
false moustache) be able to warn Echowarrior in time? Can this be the end of our hero and the
boy wonder? Will Cheetor finally leave his abusive boyfriend to live in a menage a trois with
his true love, Silverbolt?
Find out next week, same Dolphin-Bat-time, same Dolphin-Bat hour! ...Or you can just read ahead.
The scene shifts to the BotCon celebration. Respected ATTer Doug Kern, wearing his trademark Monocle in one eye, is giving a lecture to a group of intently listening Tranfans.
Doug Kern: And this, Transfans, is what is known as a GIRL.
He holds aloft a Queen Amidala figure.
Transfans: Oooooh...
Doug Kern: You can tell a GIRL apart from a BOY by looking up its skirt, like so.
Transfans: Ooooh....
The cleverly disguised Buster the Guinea pig waddles across the floor unnoticed as Scott McNeil talks with God Bot (still disguised as Picard42).
Scott McNeil: (Normal voice) And so Dinobot says, (in Dinobot's voice) AAAAAHHHH! Not again!!!
Picard42 looks on in bemusement as Scott McNeil is carried off on the shoulders of a horde of amorous female Transfans.
Scott McNeil: (still in Dinobot's voice) By all that's holy-- Somebody help meeeee---
Picard42: Ha! You always crack me up, Scott. *sigh* But... not as much as Buster used to...
Flashback: We see a young Picard42 cuddling a baby Buster. We then see the two growing up together, shaking finger and paw together, and tumbling across a lawn together in black and white as the theme from The Wonder Years plays in the background.
A tear rolls down Picard42's cheek.
Picard42: We... we used to be so happy together... Where did we go wrong, Buster? WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?
He turns to Killer Bot King Man, currently disguised as Walky.
Picard42: See this finger? This was his favourite biting-me finger. You can still make out the scar if you look really closely...
Walky (edging away): Uh, I don't know you, do I?
Picard42: *sigh* Oh happy days...
Meanwhile, Buster slowly, slowly makes his way to the refreshments table, where a nameless Autobot is ladling out punch (and an equally anonymous Decepticon is ladling out CounterPunch). Echocia and Ramblast stand there, sipping some refreshing non-alcoholic beverages.
Buster: Echocia! Echocia! Quezo- Queza- Quezi-
Echocia (looking down upon Buster): What?
Buster: Queezi- Quazo-
Echocia (still more haughtily): Go away, you Peruvian snack food, you're shedding fur into my drink.
Buster: Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa is planning an ambush!
Echocia: ... And?
Buster: Well... um... shouldn't we warn Echowarrior?
Echocia: Eh. Go warn him yourself, you lazy furball.
Buster: ... *sob*
Rousing the last of his strength, Buster waddles over to a group of Transfans. In the center, completely encircled by various thuggishly threatening figures, is Echowarrior.
Rob Powers: Say it with me, kid... First person possessive is...?
Echowarrior: *sniffle* Y- your...
Rob Powers: Good. You're learning. Contraction of "you are" is...?
Echowarrior: Y-your...?
Dave Van Domelen (smiting him with a copy of Tales Of the Intermezzo): NO! NO! How many times do we have to tell you? YOUR. YOU'RE. YOUR. YOU'RE.
ZacWilliam: Aw, shouldn't we go easy on the kid? He's had a pretty rough time of it as it is.
Buster painstakingly squeezes into the center of the ring of Transfans.
Buster: Echowarrior! Echowarrior! Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa is planning an ambush!
Echowarrior (leaping to his feet and striking a heroic pose): What's that you say, little friend? Trouble brewing? You go and tell Ramblast and Echocia to warn the Echowarriorcon-goers, while I stand here looking cool!
Buster: But... um... wouldn't it be quicker if you went and told them yourself? 'Cause, well, you're sort of bigger than me, and you walk faster and--
Echowarrior (singing): La-la-la, fortunately for Buster I'm not hearing his insolence and won't be forced to eat him for dinner, La-la-laaaa!
Buster: *sob*
Buster begins the long trek back to the punch/counterpunch table.
Buster: Echocia! Ramblast! Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa is planning an ambush! Echowarrior says that we should warn the Botcon goers and--
Ramblast: Egads! That's terrible! Buster, you go and warn the Ramblastcon-goers, while Echocia and I stand here looking cool!
Buster: ....
Echocia: Don't just stand there, Buster! We haven't a moment to lose! Unless you go and warn the Echocia-con goers, they'll all be killed!
Buster shuffles off once more, and bumps into someone's foot.
Buster: Um, hi, a megalomaniac called Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa is about to attack and--- *gasp* YOU!
Picard42: *gasp* YOU! What are you doing here?
Buster: I'm here to warn the Botcon goers about Quezovercoatl's attack!
Picard42: Hmph. Do you honestly think anyone will listen to a traitor guinea pig like you and an idiot like Echowarrior?
Buster grabs Picard42 by the shoelace, and starts tugging on it.
Picard42: ... What are you doing?
Buster: I'm pulling you to eye level with me.
Picard42 sighs and picks up Buster, so that Buster is at eye level with him.
Buster: Thank you. *ahem* You see these horns on my head?
Picard42: Buster, you're a guinea pig. You don't have any horns.
Buster: There are two things you should know about these horns.
Picard42: But you don't have any!
Buster: These horns--
Picard42: Echowarrior's been giving you drugs, hasn't he. Buster, TELL ME WHAT THE BAD MAN DID TO YOU.
Buster: These horns are the horns of a Hork-Bajir, and designate its gender--
Picard42: Was it the mushrooms? I bet he gave you the mushrooms. Now cough them up, like a good little guinea pig.
Buster: -- Three horns, it's a male; two horns, it's a female. Second, these horns on my head are razor-sharp, so unless you want--
PerceptorTFWW: Ha! I guess that's why you have two horns, eh Buster?
Picard42: ... Weren't you dead?
PerceptorTFWW: I got better.
Suddenly, the doors to the Botcon 2000 dealer room burst open.
Quezovercoatl: HUMANS! Quiver in fear, for I, Quezovercoatl, have come to destroy-- Crap, this is the wrong room, isn't it.
The dealers nod.
Quezovercoatl: Sorry. I'll be leaving n-- Oooh, how much for that Dinoking?
Later...
Quezovercoatl: HUMANS!! Tremble in terror, for I, Quezovercoa-- Aw, shoot. This isn't the right room either.
Various shady-looking men, who sit at a dark table in a dark room lit by dark cigarettes, nod.
Quezovercoatl: Sorry to bother you.
Later still...
Quezovercoatl: HUMANS! Shudder in horror, for I-- GAH!
Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa flees the room in horror.
Starscream: What's her problem?
Soundwave: ... Weirdo.
Megatron: HEY! I'm not paying you to talk! So dance like the boy toys that you are!
Starscream: But you're not paying--
Megatron: Very well then, I didn't stuff Monopoly money down your G-string so you could talk! So dance!
Later....
Quezovercoatl (panting): Yo. I'm here. Die.
All of the Transfans, along with the cast and crew of the Beast Wars movie run, panic and hide.
All except for Echowarrior, Ramblast, and Echocia, who stand there looking cool.
Echowarrior: Picking on innocents, Quezovercoatl? That is so like you.
Ramblast: Like, totally.
Picard42: Hey, I thought you had to do your laundry.
Quezovercoatl: Eh. I got someone else to do it for me.
Echowarrior: Getting innocents to do your laundry, Quezovercoatl? That is so like
you.
Quezovercoatl: ... You dare challenge me, child?
Echowarrior: Yes, I dare.
Weird Al Yankovic (singing):
Come on and dare to be stupid.
It's so easy to do.
We're all waiting for you.
Let's go!
Junkions suddenly pop up from behind various tables and join in with the song. Everyone starts dancing.
Echowarrior: *Ahem* I'm trying to have a dramatic moment here? A climax, if you will?
All the Transfans with minds in the gutter start snickering.
Weird Al Yankovic and Junkions: Sorry.
Echowarrior: Computer, deactivate force-field generators, hologram projectors, and size in inhibitors on units Echowarrior, Ramblast, and Echocia! Buster, you know what to do.
Buster hops into Echowarrior's arms and coos. Echowarrior pets him lovingly.
Echowarrior: Heheh. Cute little bugger.
The holograms and forcefields fade away, revealing the three cyborg heroes in beast mode.
Quezovercoatl collapses in a fit of laughter.
Quezovercoatl: Bwaha! They're even dorkier-looking than I imagined! Bwahaha! Ha!
... Wait, if he's in beast mode, how's he holding Buster?
Echowarrior: Echowarrior, Maximize!
Ramblast: Ramblast, Maximize!
Echocia: Echocia, Terrorize!
The others stare at her.
Echocia: A-heh. Ooops. Echocia, Maximize!
Quezovercoatl: Bah. You no longer amuse me. And now, Echowarrior... in memory of the Wiigiicons, for the glory of the Quezzicons, by the power of Greyskull, for the Botcon that is rightfully mine to rule... DIE!
Quezovercoatl aims at Echowarrior (robot mode) and Buster (cuddling-in-Echowarrior's-arms mode).
Picard42: NOOOO!!! BUSTER!!!!
Picard42 jumps into the path, and is blown to the floor several feet away.
Primal: BLOW I-- Aw, why do I even bother.
Echowarrior: Picard42!
Buster: MASTER!!
Buster scurries out of Echowarrior's arms and rushes to Picard42's side.
Quezovercoatl: Yes, I have done it! I have destroyed the traitor minion! I have destroyed-
Picard42: Um, I'm alive here... but... badly hurt...
Echowarrior: My Number One Fan.
Quezovercoatl turns to Echowarrior.
Quezovercoatl: What?
Picard42: ........ What?
Echowarrior: That's right, Quezovercoatl. You've destroyed my Number One Fan. When you destroyed my many many fans and adoring readers--
Picard42: Uh, can we get back to that "fan" bit?
Echowarrior: -- You missed one. Him. Picard42, the noblest reader of WARendfeld's "BEAST WARS: The Echowarrior Files" to ever perish--
Picard42: AND I NEVER TOLD HASBRO TO MAKE A MOVIE OUT OF YOUR #%^#@#@% FANFICS, YOU FISH SANDWICH-EATIN' SHLUB!
Echowarrior: Yes... rest easy, old friend...
Picard42: *sob* Go away...
Echowarrior turns back to Quezovercoatl, and aims his laser crossbow at her.
Quezovercoatl: Where do you keep that thing hidden, anyways?
Echowarrior shows her.
Quezovercoatl: .... Ew.
Echowarrior: TILL ALL ARE ON-
Suddenly, a Magenta And Blue Paisley transwarp portal opens! Out of it steps...
Echowarrior: *gasp* It's Future-Me!
Future Echowarrior: Hiya, Past-Me. How will it have been hanging?
Echowarrior: Future-Me, what are you doing here?
Future Echowarrior: I've come to warn you, Past-Me! Don't kill Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa! It will have been about to become your THIRD biggest mistake!
Echowarrior looks blank.
Future Echowarrior: You see, when you killed Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa, Wazzzponator will have sworn eternal revenge against you, and will have eventually going to have built a transwarp portal to stop you from having killed Quezovercoatl, meaning that we... WE! No longer exist!!
Echowarrior looks blanker.
Future Echowarrior: ... No kill Quezzie! Kill Quezzie bad!
Echowarrior: Okie. But... she killed my Number One Fan, Future-Me! She must be punished! And you know Future-Me, we have a rule here on Earth... The only good punishment is CAPITAL punishment!
Quezovercoatl: That's more of a motto than a rule per se.
Future Echowarrior: No worries, Past-Me! We'll just do what we always do... Get someone else to kill her!
Future Echowarrior grabs Killer Bot Queen Girl, puts his laser crossbow in her hands, aims it at Quezovercoatl, and pulls the trigger.
Future Echowarrior: TILL ALL ARE ONE!
Killer Bot Queen Girl: Bork.
Quezovercoatl: Hey... no fair ganging up on m-- *urk*
Quezovercoatl the Feathered Boa collapses.
Echowarrior: Thanks, Future-Me!
Future Echowarrior: No problem, Past-Me! I guess I'll be... seeing you around! *wink*
Echowarrior: Haha! You can say that again!
Future Echowarrior vanishes along with his Magenta Paisley Transwarp Portal, just as the alleged Waspinator enters.
Wazzzzponator: Honestly, Quezzie, you really need to learn how to do your own laundr-- NOOOO!!! QUEZZIE!!! YOU IN DEAD?!?!
Killer Bot King Man: That means... we have a new leader.
Megatron33: All Hail Killer Bot Queen Girl!
Minions: ALL HAIL KILLER BOT QUEEN GIRL!
Killer Bot Queen Girl: Bork.
The former Minions of Quezovercoatl hoist Killer Bot Queen Girl on their shoulders and parade her around the crumbling remains of Botcon 2000: Market Square Arena.
Echowarrior: At last, the Boa Wars are over. But, at what price?
Picard42: Uh, I'm still injured here...
END CHAPTER THREE
Go on to End of the Road Revised, Chapter Four
.
people have checked out my writings.
Custom counter images by
Gayuu of Namara Forest
(c)1997,2001
.
| Fiction | Poetry | Fanfiction | The Nexus |
